Dear Shawn

I cannot believe 11 years have passed since I have last seen you, touched you, or heard you say you love me. I think of you every day and still have not gotten used to living without you.

After I got out of the hospital and started sleeping in our king-sized bed again, I ached for you. I didn't know where to sleep in our bed. As I laid on "my side", there was a huge hole on the other side where you used to sleep next to me. As I tried laying on "your side", it felt wrong as if I was taking your spot. I was confused, frustrated, lonely, and disturbed. You should be in my bed! You should be in my life! I settled on making my new spot the middle. I miss you Shawn. 

What would we have done if we knew it was your last day on Earth 11 years ago? Would I have said anything to you? Would I have treated you any different? The answer to both of these is no. I did my best to let you know constantly of my love for you and I know you did the same for me. I am glad that we can both look back on the two years we had together and not have any regrets. You are an amazing man and have made me a better person. 

Today marks a day that changed my life. I now know what it feels like to have my heart shattered in a million little pieces and to find happiness amongst the misery. I know I can overcome. I know I can forgive. I know I can love again.

I love you more than you know and I know are always with me.

Love,

Natalie