Holes

I love summer! I love the heat, I love the sun, and I love all the fun. Summer also includes family reunions. I love seeing family, catching up, and being together again. Going to a family reunion without my husband and daughter has been very hard the last 11 years. Taking a family picture is always a tradition of a family reunion. My heart feels like it is being pricked by millions of needles as I know there are two holes in that family picture. Two people that help make up the family are not in the picture.

One day, I was getting on the freeway and the traffic in front of me was very backed up. I wondered why we were all at a stop. Traffic began to move very slowly and tears rushed down my cheeks as I saw it was a car accident. My heart hurt for all the lives affected and I immediately thought of the evening MY car was the reason traffic was detoured on the freeway. My thoughts continued as I thought of the question I have been asked many times, "How long did it take you to get over it when you were in a car wreck and your husband and daughter died?" This question shocks me. Here I am 11 years later and emotionally affected by a car accident on the freeway. Here I am 11 years later crying at family reunions as I feel the two holes and miss the people that fill those holes. My life has permanently been changed in a way that I can not "get over it." 

I have been to one family reunion so far this summer and cried all the tears I am willing to cry. Another reunion begins in days, but I don't have the emotional strength to attend another this year. I am looking forward to the best family reunion ever when the two people that are not in all the family pictures will be next to me with their arms around me holding me tighter than I can imagine.